Lonely or Alone? The Surprising Psychology of Solitude

Why internal connections matter just as much as external ones.

By Jess Wight | November 13, 2026

“Being alone means nothingness. Sadness. Darkness. Being alone is my worst fear.”

A 15-year-old reflecting on their personal experience of spending time alone, reported in Borg and Willoughby’s 2022 study

Imagine spending a Saturday evening at home by yourself. For some people, this might sound like the perfect opportunity to relax, watch a film and enjoy some peace and quiet. For others, the exact same situation might bring feelings of sadness, isolation and the uncomfortable thought that everyone else is out enjoying themselves. Although both people are experiencing the same situation, their emotional responses can be very different. This highlights an interesting aspect of human psychology: loneliness is not always determined by how much time we spend alone, but can also be influenced by how we interpret that experience.

Loneliness is often associated with having few friends, limited social interaction or being physically isolated from others. However, psychology suggests that the experience is much more complicated. Research increasingly indicates that our thoughts, expectations and beliefs about solitude may influence how we experience time alone. Negative beliefs about being alone may even contribute to feelings of loneliness, creating a more complicated relationship between our thoughts and emotions.

Before exploring this idea, it is important to understand that being alone and feeling lonely are not the same thing. Solitude is simply the experience of spending time by yourself, whereas loneliness is the uncomfortable feeling that your social or emotional needs are not being met. For example, someone might have a busy social life, plenty of friends and regular contact with family but still experience loneliness because they do not feel genuinely understood or connected to those around them. Equally, someone who spends much of their time alone might feel perfectly content and enjoy their own company.

This distinction challenges the assumption that loneliness can always be solved by simply spending more time with other people.

One particularly interesting study from 2025 by psychologists Rodriguez and colleagues explored whether people’s beliefs about being alone could influence their experiences of loneliness.

The researchers conducted five studies examining attitudes towards solitude and how these related to feelings of loneliness. one particularly interesting finding was that American newspaper articles were around ten times more likely to portray being alone as harmful rather than beneficial. This suggests that society often presents solitude as something negative, potentially reinforcing the idea that being alone is undesirable.

The researchers also conducted an experiment involving more than 450 participants, finding that exposure to information about the benefits of being alone could improve people’s beliefs about solitude. Perhaps most interestingly, a two-week study involving 161 young adults examined how people felt throughout their everyday lives. Participants with more negative beliefs about being alone tended to experience increased loneliness after spending time with themselves. In contrast, those with more positive beliefs about solitude experienced a decrease in loneliness after spending time alone.

The fourth and fifth studies carried out by these researchers involved almost 3000 participants spanning nine countries across six continents, providing substantial additional evidence that these patterns were not limited to one particular cultural setting.

A chart displaying the results of the fourth and fifth studies from Rodriguez and colleagues study from 2025, illustrating how beliefs about being alone differentiate individual experiences

Overall, this collection of studies suggests that the way we think about solitude may influence how we experience it. Spending an evening alone does not automatically have to result in loneliness. our expectations and attitudes may play a part in determining whether that experience feels positive or negative.

Another interesting aspect of loneliness is the possibility that it can influence how we interpret everyday social situations.

Imagine sending a message to a friend and not receiving a reply for several hours. Most people might simply assume that their friend is busy. However, someone already experiencing loneliness might interpret the lack of response differently. They might begin wondering whether their friend is ignoring them, whether they have done something wrong or whether the other person no longer wants to spend time with them. Although these thoughts might not reflect reality, they can influence how someone feels and behaves.

Research by psychologists Lemay and colleagues published in 2025 explored the role of people’s broader beliefs about the world in their experiences of loneliness. their research examined how these beliefs relate to the frequency and quality of everyday social interactions, as well as whether loneliness persists over time.

This is interesting because it suggests that loneliness may involve more than simply lacking social contact. Our expectations about other people and the world around us could also influence the quality of our relationships.

For some individuals, negative expectations might make social situations feel more uncomfortable, discourage them from reaching out or make it harder to recognize positive interactions. Over time, this could potentially create a cycle: feeling lonely leads to negative expectations, those expectations influence social behavior, and the resulting experiences reinforce feelings of loneliness.

However, it is important not to assume that everyone who experiences loneliness thinks negatively or deliberately withdraws from others. These findings simply offer one possible explanation for how loneliness can sometimes become self-reinforcing.

Although these findings are fascinating, it would be misleading to suggest that loneliness is simply a result of negative thinking.

According to Canadian Mental Health Association’s most recent report based on national statistics, more than one in ten Canadians feel lonely “always or often”, with the highest rates of loneliness reported amongst Canadian youth. Statistics Canada figures from 2024 also indicate that fewer than half of people in British Columbia reported rarely or never feeling lonely.

There are many genuine circumstances that can contribute to loneliness. moving somewhere new, experiencing bereavement, losing friendships, relationship breakdowns and social exclusion can all leave people feeling disconnected from others. In these situations, changing the way someone thinks about being alone may not be enough to address the underlying problem.

There is also an important distinction between enjoying solitude and being forced into it. Choosing to spend an evening alone because you want some time to yourself is very different from wanting companionship but having nobody available to spend time with.

A 2025 systematic review examining 26 studies also explored how loneliness influences the way people perceive other people’s emotions. Interestingly, the findings were mixed, suggesting that some commonly proposed explanations about how lonely people interpret social situations are not consistently supported by research.

This is a useful reminder that loneliness is a complicated psychological experience, and there is still much we do not fully understand.

While much of the discussion around loneliness focuses on the negative consequences of social isolation, research also suggests that solitude can have some surprisingly positive effects.

A fascinating 2023 study explores the idea that solitude is actually a potentially important part of maintaining our emotional wellbeing. Researchers followed 178 adults over a 21-day period, asking them to record their daily activities and experiences. They wanted to understand how time spent alone, compared with time spent socializing, influenced stress, loneliness, life satisfaction and feelings of personal freedom.

This study uncovered some surprisingly positive aspects of solitude. Spending more time alone was associated with lower stress and a greater sense of autonomy – essentially, the freedom to make personal choices without external pressures. However, solitude also had some less favorable associations including increased loneliness. These findings align with the conclusions drawn in another study from Rodriguez and colleagues in 2024 that mindset matters: the motivation behind solitude appears to influence how enriching solitude can be. When individuals chose to spend time alone, rather than experiencing it as something imposed upon them, many of the negative associations were reduced.

Interestingly, Weinstein and colleagues concluded that there is no universal ideal balance between time alone and time spent with others. What works for one individual may not work for another. These observations are mirrored by a related 2024 study, which explored how three basic psychological needs – autonomy, competence and relatedness – influence wellbeing. Their findings suggest that solitude can provide genuine psychological benefits. Feeling free to make personal choices when alone was associated with greater feelings of peace, while experiencing a sense of achievement or competence during solitary activities was associated with lower loneliness.

In other words, time alone can be meaningful and fulfilling, rather than simply time spent without company.

Further research from 2023 explored whether changing perceptions of solitude could influence how it is experienced. In an experiment involving 224 people experiencing moderate to severe loneliness, participants who read about the potential benefits of spending time alone experienced a greater increase in peaceful, positive emotions during a subsequent period of solitude than those in the control group.

More recent research has also begun exploring positive solitude in greater depth. A 2024 study discussed the concept of positive solitude, in which researchers described the concept of being alone and experiencing positive feelings such as peace, contentment and relaxation rather than loneliness.

Similarly, a new study published this year explored how living alone could be associated with independence, self-discovery and personal wellbeing. It highlights how having control over everyday decisions and creating a comfortable living environment can contribute to a positive experience of living alone.  

Taken together, these studies suggest that solitude can offer much more than simply an escape from social interaction. It can provide an opportunity to reduce stress, develop independence, reconnect with personal interests and enjoy activities without the demands or expectations of others.

Perhaps it is time to reconsider how we view spending time alone. Although solitude is often associated with loneliness, exclusion or a lack of meaningful relationships, research suggests that it can also be a valuable experience in its own right.

“I think solitude involves a choice, even if it’s only a choice to embrace it. The aloneness may be thrust upon you, but the attitude you take to it, I think, makes it either loneliness or solitude.”

A participant in a 2023 study describing how one’s attitude towards solitude determines the personal experience of alone time

Developing a healthier relationship with solitude does not mean rejecting human connection or pretending that loneliness does not exist. It is important to maintain meaningful relationships and embrace emotional support and a sense of belonging. However, it is equally worth recognizing the value of spending time alone, rather than viewing every moment of solitude as something that needs to be avoided or filled with distraction.  

Perhaps the goal is not to spend more time alone or more time with others, but to develop a healthy relationship with both. Being comfortable in one’s own company, while maintaining valuable connections allows the acknowledgement that solitude and social connection are not competing needs.

In a world that places so much value on social connection, perhaps it is time to realize the importance of feeling connected to ourselves.